Neglect

Neglect is one of the worse things you can do to the human brain.  When a mother holds her crying infant talking to it and soothing it brain synapses are formed to help the baby learn to calm down.  When the baby smiles and is smiled back at more synapses are formed and the infant learns that calming down and smiling are good and happy.  If no one is there for the baby it does not form the synapses in the brain to allow it to learn to calm down. 

Almost exactly 9 years ago a beautiful 4 year old came into my life.  She was full of fear and anger but she was also immensely imaginative and when she was happy she would light up a room.  We worked as a family to heal the neglect she has suffered by her birth family.  My husband and I worked to get her the help she needed, we researched different parenting styles and through classes and counseling we adapted our parenting to meet her needs. 

We have had amazing successes.  Two years ago a prescription drug was subscribed and we were not thrilled with how she was acting but decided to ask her how she felt before we made any changes, She looked at us and said, “You really do love me.  It isn’t just something that you say”.  I cannot imagine what it is like to live in a brain that didn’t allow all the love our family and friends had given her in. 

Our daughter decided she didn’t want to live with us anymore, as time went on she started threatening me and her brothers whenever she didn’t get her way.  We have had counseling 5 days a week for the past few months, sent her to a short term facility that specializes in helping runaways transition to being back home.  Unfortunately my daughter’s anger and violence have made it so she is no longer safe at home.  We have been working with adoption specialists to figure out the best treatment for her.  We are sending her to a school that specializes in Reactive Attachment Disorder.  This is not a decision we have made lightly.  This is in no way giving up on her; this is getting her the help she needs.