Stick Boy's first day with us.
When you have an adopted child the questions about how they
were born isn't always easy. Our family
is complicated. My oldest daughter’s
birth mom’s grandparents are wonderful grandparents for all of my kids and I
hugely appreciate that, we have been able to have a wonderful relationship with
all the family. At family gatherings with
Oldest Daughters birth mom we just refer to her as an aunt for the rest of the
kids. We have a Facebook relationship
with Stick Boy’s siblings that all live in different states.
Today Stick Boy was very insistent asking me about his birth
father. This is hard. His birth mother was a failure of the foster
care system and after being bounced like a yo-yo between foster homes and her
mother she ran away as a young teen to live off of the streets. Stick Boy is the youngest of her children all
were born drug exposed. Stick Boys birth
mom is blond, and so by looking at Stick Boy we know his birth father is of
African ancestry. When we got Stick Boy
we didn't even know that much, we would play guessing games on his race;
Mexican, Filipino, African American, Pacific Islander, and Native American, and
seal were all regularly discussed.
Stick Boy's adoption day.
Today Stick Boy didn't ask me generally about “dads” or his
birth mom or meeting his birth siblings. Today his question was about HIS birth
father - why did he leave his birth mom, why don’t we know who he is? Today I
had to let my son know that all babies don’t come into the world after a mom
and dad meet and fall in love and get married and then have a baby. Today I let him know that sometimes people
have sex and babies without being in love.
I could see his mind working.
Then Brooks and Dunn’s song, “She Used to be Mine” came on
the radio. Stick Boy looked at me and
said “That’s the opposite of this song.”
Yes! “I feel sorry for my mom
then” and it was over. For now with
Brooks and Dunn’s help I have answered his questions.
